Tao Te KaChing
Workin' the cash register of the Great Tao

My new boot, foot surgery, and Me...One Month of Happiness...


Yo…We’ve hit a milestone…

I’d like to introduce you to my new best friend:


His name’s Mister Boot.  Mister Boot is kind to me, unlike them grumpy casts.  Mister Boot apparently can go away when I shower!  He’ll also go away when I need some fresh air!  BUT!  For the next two weeks, he still must be there for no movement, even when I sleep.  After two weeks, I can begin trying out weight bearing.

So not only was I allowed to go to a boot, but I also decided to ask for crutches and save the walker for home use.  There are some pros and cons to all this.

A huge pro is change, for those of you getting ready for foot surgery.  I was beginning to go slightly mad there.  I was sick of lying around.  I was sick of sitting.  I was sick of lying around or sitting.  I was sick of crawling to go to the bathroom when my walker wasn’t next to the bed at night.  I was sick of crawling up and down the stairs.  Most of all, I was sick of the feeling of a cast on my foot.  Not that there were lots of itching spells or anything.  I guess try leaving your shoes on for a week for a taste of the existential annoyance.

Last Cast for LeftyI looked forward to going in and getting my cast changed.  For my right foot, I will probably lie if nothing is wrong and say something is extraordinarily uncomfortable or whatever just to go in and get a cast change once a week.  Now, with Mister Boot, not only is the feeling different (more comfortable, for sure) than the casts, but I can take it off for a break.

The crutches, too, are a change-up in this routine.  Although my doctor said that at 37 years old I “look like a pussy” using the walker (actual quote!), the walker is anything but pussy, folks.  I seriously had some man-boob action going on.  I am 5’ 10” and weighed 198 lbs prior to the surgery, and as a software engineer, not a lot of that was muscle, people.  The walker eradicated the man-tits in a week.  My arms began to get some definition.  It was hot action. 

Even better, the walker makes mundane tasks like taking a piss a breeze with the cast on.  Balance is not an issue with the walker, and after moving to crutches, the value of balance cannot be overstated.

I also found I could hook my coffee mug into one of the parts on my walker, ergo allowing me to fetch my own coffee when I wanted it.  Another simple joy that cannot be overstated.

One Month of Atrophy Problem is, my doctor’s right: the walker is pussy.  You’d think, with all I laid out there, that maybe you might scratch your chin a second and say, hmmm…Nope, it’s pussy.  It’s also incredibly slow.  No matter how fast I tried to move, it was, at best, maybe half the speed of people strolling leisurely through the mall window shopping.

With crutches, you can move.  Perhaps even faster than average walking speed.  It is a shoulder workout like a mother, so thank god you move quickly; you’ll want to sit down and rest shortly into it.  A problem, though, is that you definitely put more weight on your good foot than with the walker.  My right foot, which will be getting the same surgery as my left foot, is fucking killing me only one day into the crutches.  Maybe I’m not using the crutches properly, but with the walker, it really seemed like (if not really was that) the walker was taking on a majority of my weight.

Whatever.  The change is good.  Very good.  Keep that in mind when you’re into your own week 3 or 4.

Speaking of change, I have some photos from today for you, along with before-and-after sets.  Today’s photos look startlingly nice compared to a months ago.  Here’s the inside of the foot:


Look how nice and clean that looks.  Here’s a month’s progression:


Ugh, a month ago looks nasty.  Oh but that’s nothing.  Here’s the outside of my foot today:


Not too bad.  Now that I can wash it (sort of), it’ll probably look even better.  But you’re saying “not bad?  that’s nasty ass!”  Oh no.  Perhaps you forget a month ago:


Uf…I’m gonna puke…